The Virgin Phenomenon
The vending machine can prove to be an icon for many of life's weird revelations. I seldom make a trip there but when i do, id strike up a chat with one kookie colleague. One of the most memorable conversations was with this particular fellow kookie with whom i've been exchanging one of the most funniest and at times, kinky topics of all times- sex and the modern relationship (yep, this textbook aint available anywhere peeps, its only by the v.m).We agreed on many things like working on a relationship in order to keep the so called fire burning although at one interesting point, he said that while he loved his current partner very very much, he was sleeping with another person. He maintained though that it had nothing to do with love. I knew better than to pass any judgements cos this kookie colleague of mine happens to be a great person. He'd be giving me advice on how to sustain a relationship and keep the fire burning by constantly reinventing myself and trying out new things with my significant other. I wish i can elaborate on this further but im afraid i myself blushed at his suggestions. Although, one of his suggestions did touch on the subject of female undergarments and how sexy ones can really empower your thoughts and actions, more on this..later *grin*
So anyways, after months and months of ongoing conversations, I casually mentioned that I may not be able to do some of the things that he has suggested cos I was still a virgin. What surprised me was that he had that dumb look on his face at the V word. I mean even if it is a rare phenomenon anywhere else in the world, but being a virgin shouldnt stumped you to the point where you practically go blank for 2 min. He recovered long enough to ask me, why is that so? Now that really stumped me.
What is wrong with being a virgin and not being one. Either way, theres no right or wrong and like i said, in my previous blog, only consequences and justifications. My reason for my current status quo has two parallel lines running along each other. The first would be my religion and similar belief to await marriage and secondly, because i have a low threshold for pain, there is a healthy fear of actually having sex.
Anyways, my kookie colleague swore that there were only a few virgins left and he was amazed that I have held on this long in a relationship approaching 2 years. I was amazed he didnt believe that there were countless of virginsabout. I have many girlfriends who have yet to lose their so called 'cherries' and they're proud that they are holding on in order to give it to the person they truly love and who really deserves to be the first to invade the 'south' *lol* nevermind marriage. On the other hand, I'm lucky cos my girlfriends respect one another's decisions and never judge the other when they decided not to wait for marriage cos they felt the time was right. Love is indeed a powerful emotion.
Its really funny about how so much attention is given to virgins by just about anyone; the mass media, the public,....men. Some men want to be the first to conquer or 'trim' the bush, kinda similar to ancient travellers who stake uncharted territories as their own by just burying a flag in the sand. Perhaps they want to be first and cannot bear the thought of the woman already being with someone else before them and yet they themselves have been marked not once, not twice but repeatedly by other women. Figuring that this virgin thing is definitely worth its weight more than gold, I heard that in some countries, women actually undergo hymen repair surgeries known as Hymenoplasty to tighten their vaginas just so they please their husbands or lovers.
Weird, cos my understanding is that sex is a naturally pleasurable thing and whether you are a virgin or not, the point would be moot cos if you give good sex, then its still a good thing. I guess its more of fulfilling a psychological and perception-driven need- that deflowering (no shit im actually using this term..sigh) a virgin is exciting and empowering. One married woman underwent the surgery as a birthday gift to her husband for their holiday getaway and said that 'its the ultimate gift for a man who has everything'- http://www.bonitanews.com/news. They believe being a reborn virgin adds spice to the marriage, go figure.
Ironically while most men hold these virgins on a high pedestal ( i still dont get why cos women virgin or not, still have their personalities intact), I've meet women who think men who are virgins are losers and do not want to be associated with them. It seems 'doing it' means the guy is experienced, attractive and mature enough. If he hasn't done it, there must be something wrong with him. He's probably this boring loser with no life which is sad really. One girlfriend has a different reason for not wanting her husband to be a virgin though, she said she's worried that with two virgins in the same bed, poking in the wrong hole is absolutely a high possibility.
In short, there are more contradicting gender perceptions flying around between men and women and well, im ashamed to say that I am guilty of some of them. We don't always practice what we preach *grin*.
I am fortunate though to have an understanding and patient boyfriend, who while is sexually frustrated at times, still gives me room to pursue my decision to await marriage. Its not that difficult for me to resist cos I have never tasted the forbidden fruit but for him i guess, it can be a sore trial. Well, enough with the puns :)
In some culture, losing one's virginity before marriage is tantamount to disgracing the whole family. As much as my initial perception on the liberal Western world, i'm inclined to believe there are still conservative practices over there. The term 'hymen' is closely related to a virgin. Hymen, is the name of the the Greek God of Marriage. Once the hymen is torn, the woman is no longer a virgin as the barrier has been breached. Some actually examine the girl's hymen before she gets married to ensure she's still a virgin but what they were unaware of is that the hymen can still tear through vigorous activities like cycling, riding a horse or other form of rough athletics.
Quite simply though, I have found out that one way a guy generally knows whether the girl is a virgin is by trying his damndest to seduce her and if she repeatedly refuses to allow entry even after months and months of seduction, shes more likely to be a virgin cos if she wasn't, she would not be able to resist as she has already experienced the 'pleasurable intensity' of the act itself.
So finally, i told my kookie colleague that im a virgin by choice, that there was nothing wrong in being one. I believe my relationship with my significant other can still be as exciting as the first day we met sans/without sex. I wouldn't say im totally a prude but just cause everybody is 'doing it' doesnt mean I have to do it too. After all, I'm not totally missing out cos out of the five suggestions he gave me, I believe i can still safely use two of them :) What are they?
I dont kiss and tell :)
posted by GirlAwake @ 12:42 AM
3 comments
